Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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