Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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