i don't like sucking hair
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
