what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Your cock deserves a montage
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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