I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize