Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
