I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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