my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
