Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
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