Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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