when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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