the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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