Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
