Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
