your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize