Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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