Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
