I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He is an equal opportunity slut.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
