My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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