so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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