i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
The beer is more important than you right now.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
sex in a hospital.. check
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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