the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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