One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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