I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
