Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize