Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Randomize
