I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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