So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
