mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Ladies don't puke and tell
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
