So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
