WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
