Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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