the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
