Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
This is classic penis vs brain.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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