Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Bring me that man meat
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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