Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
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