uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
