Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
