Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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