i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
