none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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