You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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