are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
