Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
