Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
