Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
