I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize