There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize