Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
