I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
