I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
