There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
