wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
