I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
