he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
