I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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