the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I pour the whiskey from now on
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize