I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
