i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
