Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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