You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
