Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i think i have herpe
just one?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
