the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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