Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
