Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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