nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
